Prince, Was That U in St. Charles This Past Weekend?
By Jaime Lees
Wed, May 17, 2017
Hey, Prince. We miss U, your Purpleness. U wouldn’t believe what’s been happening since U returned to your home planet. We’ve all been praying 4 U 2 return and 2 bring us all back un2 the joy fantastic.
But just between U and I, did U drop in 4 a visit recently? Because my friend saw your regal ride the other day. I’m not sure why U felt the need to make a pilgrimage to the Longhorn Steakhouse in St. Charles, but U work in mysterious ways. Did U drop in for some Midwestern chain restaurant realness on your way 2 cosmic bowling? (That’s how I imagine that U usually spend your Saturday nights — rolling consecutive strikes under a blacklight in high heeled bowling shoes.)
Or maybe it wasn’t U? Maybe it was one of your representatives. U know, like how the real Santa sends surrogate Santas out 2 malls during the holidays 2 report back 2 him in the North Pole?
If so, please provide us with an introduction 2 your deputy. We are determined 2 find out their identity and 2 ask them all about their Princemobile and their passion for purple.
Readers, have U spied this magic carpet? It appears 2 be a Polaris Slingshot. If U know the owner, drop a line 2 us at Prince4RFT@gmail.com.
link: Riverfront Times
President Obama’s Greatest Musical Moments
By Jaime Lees
Tue, Jan 10, 2017
When Barack Hussein Obama was elected President of the United States, it seemed like anything was possible. The fabled American Dream was alive and thriving. We voted for hope and change and we got them both balanced on the shoulders of a man who seemed capable of expertly executing the job.
Now, with only days left on the clock until our country comes under the power of a known psychopath, we mourn what we’re losing and look to the future with appropriate horror. It seems entirely possible that President Obama might go down in history as not just the first African-American president but also the last great American president. Ever. He wasn’t perfect, of course. Like all politicians, he could be hugely disappointing and his public silence and inaction on some matters felt brutal. But it seems safe to say that very (very) soon we will look back on President Obama’s time in office as a golden era.
Not only was he an accomplished, charismatic and dignified leader, he was personable in a style that we’ve never before experienced. And one of the most effective and consistent ways that he connected with the American people was through music.
President Obama used music to showcase his personality and his compassion. He was never shy about expressing how deeply a song or a musician moved him. We knew his opinions on popular artists and it made him more relatable. We also knew that our president sometimes felt compelled to sing or to do a little shimmy. We even knew what he listened to on Spotify. And we loved it all.
Below is a collection of President Obama’s greatest musical moments. Thanks for the great work and the excellent music, Mr. President. We’d love another spin.
This should’ve been our first indication that President Obama was going to be bumping. Here he is as a candidate, dancing his way onto The Ellen DeGeneres Show, as is the tradition:
Here’s Chi-town’s own Barry O joining Mick Jagger, Buddy Guy and BB King at the White House for a few lines of “Sweet Home Chicago”:
Check out President Panty Dropper singing Al Green. That little bite of the lip! He really puts the “O” in Oval Office. It was kind of nice to have a President that was attractive and virile. (There’s no chance of that with the next guy.):
The White House hosted a tribute to Ray Charles, giving our main man another opportunity to showcase his pipes:
Many were charmed when Obama spontaneously sang “Purple Rain” to a kid dressed as Prince last Halloween:
He and Michelle also did an endearing little dance to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”:
President Obama invited Kendrick Lamar to perform at the White House on the 4th of July. Yeah, let that one sink in for a minute:
He awarded Bruce Springsteen the Presidential Medal of Freedom saying, in part, “I am the President; he is the Boss”:
He also awarded Bob Dylan the Presidential Medal of Freedom and then later gave us a peek into how the whole experience went down with Mr. Freewheelin’:
Let’s take a minute to appreciate that we had a black President who frequently celebrated music made by black artists while he was living in the Whitest of Houses. About damn time, right? Over the years President Obama has served as host for a wide range of African-American artists including Alicia Keys, Aretha Franklin, Beyoncé, Common, Janelle Monáe, Jay-Z, Jill Scott, John Legend, Smokey Robinson, Stevie Wonder, Usher and the Roots. Here’s Obama singing “Jingle Bells” with Chance the Rapper at the most recent Christmas tree lighting ceremony. (Chance’s dad was Obama’s state director back in his Illinois days.):
In this clip the Obamas dance as a pre-Lemonade Beyonce sings the timeless 1941 classic “At Last,” made famous by Etta James in 1960:
Barack and Michelle danced a lot, actually. Dancing is where their passions meet, as it combines Barack’s passion for music with Michelle’s passion for getting active. In this video they’re trying the tango, but President Obama was known for dancing all across the world, from Alaska to Kenya:
And here they are having an impromptu boogie to “Uptown Funk” with R2D2 and a stormtrooper. They always seemed to have fun:
President Obama somehow even managed to make Jimmy Fallon’s moronic show tolerable for a few short minutes when he showed up to slow-jam the news:
Here’s a recent video from Usher of the President dancing to “Hotline Bling.” #Lit:
The President was also down with the kids, happily hosting his own festival called South By South Lawn on the grounds of the White House:
And here’s our boyfriend trying not to sing along with Aretha Franklin during Carole King’s Kennedy Center Honors ceremony. Was that a tear? And yes, even the President must stand when Aretha takes off her fur:
We saved the best for last. In this video, President Obama paused to sing “Amazing Grace” while presenting the eulogy for Reverend Clementa Pinckney after Pinckney and his fellow church members were executed in a racially motivated mass shooting in North Carolina. The universally moving song was adopted by southern gospel culture decades ago and it was the perfect expression of President Obama’s humanity and a grieving nation:
Until next time, Obama.
link: Riverfront Times
By Jaime Lees
Halloween is all about dressing up and pretending to be something else, so fittingly, this All Hallows’ Eve will see entire bands dressing up and pretending to be completely different groups. The annual event always brings out a big crowd, and this year it will attempt to fit a large chunk of the south-city music scene (and their costumes) into Melt. The lineup features sets from So Many Dynamos as Devo, Demonlover as Prince, Trauma Harness as Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark, the Humanoids as the Damned, Shaved Women as Rudimentary Peni and Mark Willey and friends as Roxy Music. The show also promises unannounced surprise performances and guest stars (including Escalade as an unknown performer). It’s a free show, but just like last year, organizers will be accepting donations for a charity cause at the door.
– link: Riverfront Times
The Rams may not be taking the field on Sunday at Super Bowl XLVI, but someone from St. Louis will be: Nick Smarrelli, chief operating officer at St. Louis IT firm GadellNet Consulting Services. He’ll be helping to escort Madonna on the field for her halftime show, as reported yesterday in an article in the St. Louis Business Journal.
With exactly one minute of Facebook stalking we learned a bunch about Smarrelli. He was married a few years ago, he does a bunch of traveling (Tibet, Australia, Jamaica, Lake Tahoe) and he has cute dog named Cooper. He seems swell and he has a very nice smile. We’re glad we have a man on the inside and we want all of the juicy details when he comes home. (Was Madonna a bitch? Yes? In the good way or in the bad way? And seriously, how was her face without HD-ready makeup?)
For those of us who know not one darn thing about football, halftime is the best time. It’s our chance to get excited about what’s on the big screen. But the Super Bowl executives have an unreliable history when choosing the entertainment. It seems to be a crapshoot, really.
I thought that Prince would be the peak of halftime performances, but he was followed with a rad Tom Petty show. And after Petty came that panty-dropping performance from Bruce Springsteen. Damn. But then after Springsteen was a just-okay performance from the Who. And then the worst came last year we were forced to endure that total barf-fest from the Black Eyed Peas. (*Shudder*)
But even if Madonna’s controversial appearance blows or Smarrelli breaks a leg (literally) we will still have Dan Connolly to represent us. Connolly is a native St. Louisan, a full-time awesome dude and a player for the Patriots. Connolly set some kind of fancy football record last season, and this year he’s a starting lineman for New England. And before you ask that all-important STL question, we will tell you that Connolly went to Marquette High School. Way to rep that Marquette Mustang, Dan.
Who else from St. Louis is going to be a part of the Super Bowl?
- link: Riverfront Times
Sinéad O’Connor has been back in the news lately, but it might not be for what you’d expect. Throughout her entire career, O’Connor has been fighting for one good cause after the last. She’s always outspoken against racism and censorship and she stresses the importance of the rights of children and women. She’s known for being brash, shocking and a little confusing. Here, we celebrate her rebellious streak with the some of top acts of deviant behavior committed by Miss O’Connor. Don’t worry, we’ll get to “the difficult brown.”
4. Sinéad vs. the Roman Catholic Church
Chances are that you know that Sinéad O’Connor was “the bald one.” If you remember anything else about her, it’s probably that she’s the bald one who ripped up a picture of Pope John Paul II on Saturday Night Live. In 1992, O’Connor was performing on the show as the musical guest, doing a cover of Bob Marley’s “War.” Instead of performing the song in the same hiccupy Jamaican style as the original, O’Connor’s version was a cappella, more like a solo spoken word poetry reading of the lyrics. At the end of the song (while singing the world “evil”) she held up a picture of JP2, ripped it up and said “fight the real enemy.” Yeah, that didn’t go over well. She later said that she intended the performance as a protest against the Catholic Church because she felt like the Vatican was responsible for covering up child sex scandals. Meanwhile, O’Connor claimed that she would want to be a priest if she wasn’t a singer, and was ordained in an independent church in 1999.
3. Sinéad vs. her audience
Sinéad was crucified in the media after her SNL performance. People were pissed. Sinéad also could not successfully explain her actions. This was a time before instant internet tabloids or Twitter feeds and the news moved much slower. And what were people to do, read her mind? All most of America heard was that she ripped up a picture of the Pope, which meant that, clearly, she was a horrible bitch. So, two short weeks later, she was scheduled to sing at a Bob Dylan tribute concert. As she took the stage, she was met with boos from the crowd. Lots of boos. Like, thousands of people booing her for more than two minutes, which is a hell of a long time to just calmly stand there on stage and take it. Still, she stood, with her hands clasped behind her and let them get it all out. Finally, there was a twinkle in her eye. She hushed her bandmates who were trying to start the song, asked for her microphone to be turned up, and jumped into an angry repeat performance of “War,” the same song she’d sang on SNL. Oh, snap! Sinéad has some serious balls, man.
2. Sinéad vs. Prince
O’Connor’s biggest hit was 1990′s “Nothing Compares 2 U.” If the spelling doesn’t already give it away, this song was written and performed by Prince. O’Connor’s version became an international hit, spending weeks atop the charts of multiple countries. Despite handing out his songs to many pop stars, Prince was reportedly resentful of Sinéad’s success with his song. (There have been rumors that he acted the same way with Cyndi Lauper after she bested his version of “When You Were Mine.”) It is not wise to mess with The Purple One; and Sinéad reported that the two came to blows over it. Sounds totally scary.
In another odd bit of Sinéad vs. Prince news, doesn’t the drawing shown at the very end of Prince’s 1984 video for “When Doves Cry” look just like Sinéad in the 1990 “Nothing Compares 2 U” video? Is Prince a psychic? Was Sinéad ripping him off? Does anybody else think this is weird?
1. Sinéad vs. her libido
Holy crap, Sinéad O’Connor is one dirty lady. Damn. She is really horny for some man weiner (well, she is a priest). She’s taken to updating her official web site with the things she is looking for in a lover. She is announcing that she is “desperate for sex” and that she’s not turning to a match-making service because she feels that word would get out anyway. She even threatens to hump on produce if she is not serviced soon.
My shit-uation sexually/affectionately speaking is so dire that inanimate objects are starting to look good as are inappropriate and/or unavailable men and/or inappropriate and/or unavailable fruits and vegetables. I tell you yams are looking like the winners.
Some examples of what Sinéad’s is looking for:
- He must be no younger than 44.
- Must be living in Ireland but I don’t care if he is from the planet Zog.
- Must be blind enough to think I’m gorgeous.
- Leather trouser- wearing gardai, fire-men, rugby players, and Robert Downey-Junior will be given special consideration. As will literally anyone who applies.
- I like me a hairy man so buffed and/or waxed need not apply.
- No hair gel.
- No hair dryer use.
- No hair dye
- Stubble is a non-negotiable must. Any removal of stubble would be upsetting for me.
- No after shave.
- Must be very ‘snuggly’. Not just wham-bam.
- Must be wham-bam.
- Has to live in own place.
She concluded this list with, “I must end now as I have a hot date with a banana.” Shit, girl! Calm yourself! Since this first post, she’s updated her website to say that she would also have sex with women and that she will not consider any man who is not into anal sex. Sinéad wrote, “I’ve been repeatedly asked will I ‘do anal sex’. Let me make it very clear.. Any man I contemplate has to be into anal sex… I ‘do anal’ and in fact would be deeply unhappy if ‘doing anal’ wasn’t on the menu… So if u don’t like ‘the difficult brown’.. Don’t apply.”
The Difficult Brown?!? DAYUMN! That is deviant as hell! Sinéad, we salute you. We never know what deviant thing you’ll do next. Maybe you’ll do a show where you have anal sex with Prince and the Pope? Fingers crossed.
- Riverfront Times – link